sethslashlife

time?

2008-11-12T03:43:44Z

where have you gone? you seem to be speeding by quicker than before

ridiculous

2008-11-06T00:43:41Z

i have been thinking so much lately, but i have no idea what to write about. like the words wont come out. "writers block" i do believe is what "writers" call it, but im not a writer. im not sure what this is called. "blogging?" but im not a "blogger" because when i hear that term i think of politics and i dont even want to go there... but im sure i will be back soon. oh by the way, if you happen to read this leave a comment so i can know how many people even visit this thing haha.

ebb and flow

2008-10-23T02:13:44Z

it started raining today, and in texas this time of year, when it rains that means a cold front! well the cool came tonight so i decided to take a walk. i was listening to the song "ebb and flow" by misery signals - my current "escape." this song really gets me because the lyrics are so amazing they give me chills. towards the end of the song, the lyrics are:
"in dreams, the sun sets in our eyes
in dreams, we'll never be apart
in dreams, i'll promise you'll never be alone
how much i wish your voice could send me home. send me home"
when that verse started i was walking in the dark, the only light was the faraway bulb luminating my driveway. the wind picked up and blew the leaves all around me in what seemed to be circling around me. the cold air, the leaves circling around me and these lyrics which captured most of my hours today all created the most overwhelming moment. it blew my mind. after the wind went elsewhere, i just stood in the same spot and thought long and hard about my life, where its going, where i've been and it made me smile. and i was glad that how my life used to be makes me smile still. im fortunate it doesnt send chills down my spine and make me hope for a better outcome next time around. i am satisfied with what i have made of myself so far. i dont regret this past year and if i could, i would go back and do it all again because i had the time of my life. for the first time in over a month a felt okay. sure, if i was in control, my life would be so much different, but for the first time, i was content with my life. which is a complete turn around from 2 hours previous. talk about refreshment that only an experience can give you. love it

washed clean

2008-10-13T03:10:40Z

so, the other day i was driving to my friends house and i was driving towards the end of my road which is facing west. so i was driving due west. the wind was blowing out of the south and i never use my a/c so my windows are always down. as i came to a stop and was preparing to turn left onto the perpendicular street, a huge gust of cool wind came and blew my hair back and pressed against my face so hard it was such an amazing feeling. like for that split second, all my worries, all my fears, all my discomfort, all the days distractions, EVERYTHING was suddenly washed away. like "seeing the light" or whatever. it was incredible. it reminds me of a perfect world, where money grows on trees, and love never hurts. if only paaahhhhhh. but on the slightly more realistic side of life, i believe each and every person has the power to control their feelings. they have the power to be swept off their feet or blown away, i think its just the height of your expectations. or the amount of pride you possess. each can be very dangerous if theyre not kept under control. and everyone has the power.

i cant help but love you

2008-10-11T18:15:09Z

like 3 weeks ago i was alive. yes im alive now, but just physically. i came to the realization that this is how things are now. this is my life. as of now, i have the power to do whatever i want, but im not ready. i dont want to learn to live this new life yet. maybe because i havent fully let go, maybe i never will. but who knows what could happen. i just think back to times that were like less than 2 months ago? when we were SO FUCKING HAPPY it was ridiculous. i was happier than i ever have been and YOU WERE TOO BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME SO. either you were lying to me then or your lying to yourself now but all i know is everyone needs to be honest with themself. telling yourself that your happy does not make you happy. it makes you miserable. pride makes you miserable and everyone around you. "misery loves company." i am completely honest with myself and i've thrown away all my baggage i had on my back, all my pride im fucking rock bottom right now. of course im nothing near perfect, and i never will be. but that doesnt make me less human and i hate being treated that way. im so stressed out i cant even think straight. im definately grateful to have the friends that i do <3 im learning to let things "slide" but not so much to where nothing matters, but just enough to realize the things that should not make me mad. like its hard to get me upset now. im not saying any of this so anyone will think differently of me or to make myself seem superior to anyone, im just explaining my new outlook, my new eyes for the world and everything around me

behold,

2008-10-09T02:13:31Z

so, i have been reading this book my ex girlfriend bought me called "brother odd" by my favourite author, dean koontz. its about this young guy named odd thomas with a 6th sense which allows him to see the lingering dead. lingering for any reason, maybe not able to "rest in peace" because of something that happened in their life, so they seek odd to bring them to peace so they can move on from this world. this book is part 3 of a serious of books about odd, and in this one, he finds himself at a monastery which he is at for about 7 months? when the book begins. there is one very old, wise monk there named brother constantine i think and he buries himself in his office 17 hours of the day. he only sleeps a few hours because his thirst for knowledge keeps him from being able to sleep. he was a scientist before he became a monk i believe. he studies quantum theory and he is talking to odd about how the brain works. he is talking in particular about how "human will can in part shape reality" i had to read the sentence twice to fully grasp what it meant. i thought about it for a while and had to research to see if it was proven or just a myth that koontz created for the book, which wouldnt surprise me because hes quite creative. when i was looking on the interweb, i couldnt find anything on the topic which led me to the conclusion that it was false. bummer. i kinda had a feeling it wasnt true, but think about how fuckin cool that would be! if you wanted something bad enough, it would be yours. that thought wont leave me, i wish that to be real so badly. but if it were true, think of how many bad things would happen in the world, and if you think about it deep enough, its a very selfish thing. i am a very selfish person. but ill save that for another time.

satisfaction at last

2008-10-09T01:25:21Z

i really dont know where to begin. i think a lot and i post blogs on myspace but i feel like a loser. myspace is more of a "be who you wish you were" type of place and im sick of it. so this is me, my thoughts - all of them. im going to post them on here just as they are in my mind. it may seem confusing at times to those who are reading it and i will apologize ahead of time, but thats just how my writing sometimes is written down. im still not too sure how this site works still, im probably hit a few kinks over the next few days but thats how every new experience is right? i think so.